Farther along - More comfortable
I'm trying not to sound overly positive, but I figured a lot out about this project in the last few weeks. Something was bugging me about it, something gnawed at the back of my brain. At first I thought it was just that what I was feeling was a strong desire to control the film and to direct the action that was being denied. I answered it by just reminding myself that sometimes I need to just let go, and not worry, and to remember that the only purpose of this project is to blow out the cobwebs, and not to try and "construct" something.
Thats easy enough to understand logically, but I kept feeling that way more and more, with each frame I would draw. Last week it came to a head and i got to where I was really repulsed by the project. It was time to figure out what was really bugging me. I finally took a few steps back, got in the tub, grabbed a pencil and paper, and set out for a little trip into my subconscious to try and find the source off this antagonism.
Turns out, it would seem, that I am in fact suffering from a strong desire to exercise some control, but it's a little different than what I originally thought, it's not commercial interest in the film, in other words, it's not who I thought it was, my internal "agent" trying to make a deal and turn the project into some kind of enterprise. It was a voice I haven't heard from in a long time. I realized that the voice I was hearing turned out to be the filthy art student that I keep locked up in my brain. (he has been in exile since the middle '90's, as he tends to turn the boat straight toward the rocks if you give him control of the keel) Anyway, that voice was actually asking me to let him have a shot at this one, to not let it go to waste.
So we talked, and I agreed to let him have some say in what direction the film goes. And he agreed not to talk to my agent, should he call.
to those of you who don't hear voices, or worry that I do, mind your own business, it's mostly a metaphor.